by Francis Githinji
Marriage guidance is paramount in any marital relationship. In other words, you will require a proper guide to enable you reach the place where you wish to go. Marriage is a relationship between two people who have come together to declare that they are in love for life. This makes it one of the most complicated unions for mankind. There are many moments of bliss and you will also find other moments where it feels like hell. Marriage guidance, seeks to help couples recognize the bad things in marriage and solve or manage the problems. Therefore, when it comes to it, you can be sure that problems are always going to be there. The following are some of the things that may cause tension in a marriage. First, there is always the issue of communication. It is pretty important for a couple to be on the same page otherwise, the relationship will suffer communication breakdown. Marriage guidance will come in and assist the couple to restore their communication. There are so many places where you can go for marriage guidance and, they include online, from counselors, friends, religious leaders and others.
This are places where couples can consult to come up with an amicable solution for their problems. There are couples who are not open to the idea of being guided by people they hardly know. For this reason, they ignore guidance and continue to wallow in their problem. The worse thing that a couple can do is not to have grave problems but, to ignore those problems. However, when it comes to solving the problem, you must decide whether you need outside help or not. There are so many common problems which married couples can solve on their own without professional guidance. You do not have to be on the verge of divorce to realize that you need guidance. Make sure you keep observing the direction of your marriage. This will enable you recognize a problem when you come across it. The other problem that might call for guidance is the issue of finances. Money is always a big problem when it comes to marriage. A wife wants one thing and the husband wants something else. Sometimes, the expenditure might be too high contrary to the agreement that the couple might have.
These are issues enough to cause a storm in the house. If they are not addressed they will spill over and make the marriage shaky. Experts in marriage guidance will help you reach a compromise. They will not be making decisions for you but, they will just seek to help you see all the angles and perspectives you have been missing. If you are really concerned about your marriage, it is paramount that you think on this very seriously. Seeking help does not say that you are weak. It only shows that you care enough to find help. Strong marriages go through problems and, their secret simply knows how to handle problems. If you feel like you cannot save your marriage, you are probably frustrated and giving up. Seek help today and see the difference it will make in your life.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act
Marriage is no longer a divine union that requires celestial blessings included in the various religious rituals associated with it. It has got far reaching legal consequences too. It is for this legal reason that we have to consider this law. Moreover, the growing number of divorce cases, cases regarding custody of children and maintenance, polygamy, and dowry deaths reveal that marriage is no longer considered as a divine union by the society. Hence let us not be under the illusion that this law would violate the sacredness of marriage rites.
IS THIS A NEW LAW?
As it is, any Indian citizen who opts to marry under the Special Marriage Act of 1954 automatically has the marriage registered by the marriage officers who has been specially appointed for the purpose.
The Indian Christian Marriages Act of 1872 also demands for compulsory registration of marriages. Accordingly entries are made in the marriage register of the church, soon after the ceremony along with the signatures of the bride, bridegroom, the officiating priest and witnesses. The Registration of marriages is mandatory under the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act of 1936. Marriage being a civil contract for the Muslims, the qazi records the terms of the marriage in a nikahnama and hands it over to the married couple. It is only under the Hindu Personal Law that it is not compulsory to register the marriage.
IMPLEMENTATION OF THE LAW
Certain State governments have out of the their concern to stop the crimes committed against women and children made the registration of marriage compulsory. They believed that giving legal status to wedlock would strengthen the institution of marriage. Thus we had,
* The Bombay Registration Marriages Act, 1953, which is applicable to the states of Maharashtra
* The Karnataka Marriages Act enacted in 1976 and in force since 1983.
* The Himachal Pradesh Registration of Marriage Act, 1997.
* The Andhra Pradesh Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act 2002.
PROBLEMS DUE TO NON-IMPLEMENTATION OF LAW:
The non-registration of marriage under Hindu Marriage Act has given rise to two major problems.
The Hindu Marriage Act on bigamy has got many loopholes. The Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code also has some faults while dealing with the offence of remarriage of husband or wife when the either of them is alive. So far these laws required that certain ceremonies have to be performed for a marriage to be valid. These ceremonies could be done according to the caste and religion of the bride and the bridegroom. Unless these ceremonies are performed the marriage is considered to be invalid. This holds good for bigamous marriage too. Women are the primary victims of bigamous relationships and they are the most affected ones because of the non-registration of marriage. They find it difficult to get property or maintenance in case of dispute, as they are not able to produce any proof for the validity of their marriage. There are umpteen cases where the wives have lost their case because of their inability to prove their first or second marriage of their husbands.
IS THIS A NEW LAW?
As it is, any Indian citizen who opts to marry under the Special Marriage Act of 1954 automatically has the marriage registered by the marriage officers who has been specially appointed for the purpose.
The Indian Christian Marriages Act of 1872 also demands for compulsory registration of marriages. Accordingly entries are made in the marriage register of the church, soon after the ceremony along with the signatures of the bride, bridegroom, the officiating priest and witnesses. The Registration of marriages is mandatory under the Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act of 1936. Marriage being a civil contract for the Muslims, the qazi records the terms of the marriage in a nikahnama and hands it over to the married couple. It is only under the Hindu Personal Law that it is not compulsory to register the marriage.
IMPLEMENTATION OF THE LAW
Certain State governments have out of the their concern to stop the crimes committed against women and children made the registration of marriage compulsory. They believed that giving legal status to wedlock would strengthen the institution of marriage. Thus we had,
* The Bombay Registration Marriages Act, 1953, which is applicable to the states of Maharashtra
* The Karnataka Marriages Act enacted in 1976 and in force since 1983.
* The Himachal Pradesh Registration of Marriage Act, 1997.
* The Andhra Pradesh Compulsory Registration of Marriage Act 2002.
PROBLEMS DUE TO NON-IMPLEMENTATION OF LAW:
The non-registration of marriage under Hindu Marriage Act has given rise to two major problems.
The Hindu Marriage Act on bigamy has got many loopholes. The Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code also has some faults while dealing with the offence of remarriage of husband or wife when the either of them is alive. So far these laws required that certain ceremonies have to be performed for a marriage to be valid. These ceremonies could be done according to the caste and religion of the bride and the bridegroom. Unless these ceremonies are performed the marriage is considered to be invalid. This holds good for bigamous marriage too. Women are the primary victims of bigamous relationships and they are the most affected ones because of the non-registration of marriage. They find it difficult to get property or maintenance in case of dispute, as they are not able to produce any proof for the validity of their marriage. There are umpteen cases where the wives have lost their case because of their inability to prove their first or second marriage of their husbands.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Common Relationship and Marriage Problems
by Can Marchante
ommon marriage and relationship problems are not always hallmarks of the end of a world, but once routine interactions have deteriorated to this extent, you may need some help or advice, marriages and relationships are very fragile and it is probably essential to seek some external help.
Below are four of the most common issues plaguing couples today In order of least to most dangerous, the common marriage problems are...
(1) Criticism, involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behavior...
(2) Contempt, leads directly from the first...
(3) Defensiveness,enters the picture once contempt is present...
(4) Stonewalling.appears when you're nearing rock bottom...
In order to find out what the problem in your relationship really is you should be able to listen to each other and understand. Communication in any Marriage or Relationship so important it can't be stressed enough no matter what happens you need to keep talking that is the point of this whole article. Communication... talking not yelling, screaming,or throwing a temper tantrum.
The truth is a relationship is nothing when it is broken .
The common problems are...
infidelity...
personality...
career...
finances...
Communication in any Marriage or Relationship so Important
ommon marriage and relationship problems are not always hallmarks of the end of a world, but once routine interactions have deteriorated to this extent, you may need some help or advice, marriages and relationships are very fragile and it is probably essential to seek some external help.
Below are four of the most common issues plaguing couples today In order of least to most dangerous, the common marriage problems are...
(1) Criticism, involves attacking someone’s personality rather than their behavior...
(2) Contempt, leads directly from the first...
(3) Defensiveness,enters the picture once contempt is present...
(4) Stonewalling.appears when you're nearing rock bottom...
In order to find out what the problem in your relationship really is you should be able to listen to each other and understand. Communication in any Marriage or Relationship so important it can't be stressed enough no matter what happens you need to keep talking that is the point of this whole article. Communication... talking not yelling, screaming,or throwing a temper tantrum.
The truth is a relationship is nothing when it is broken .
The common problems are...
infidelity...
personality...
career...
finances...
Communication in any Marriage or Relationship so Important
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Best Ways for Couples to Spend Holidays Alone
by Genna Cockerham
There are many reasons why couples may be spending the holidays alone. Whether newlyweds are establishing their own traditions, financial constraints are changing annual travel plans or the couple is home with an empty nest, the winter holidays do not have to be dreary. The best ways for married couples to celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve or Easter without their extended families or kids include choosing what matters the most, creating new traditions and seeking out others in a similar situation.
Plan a Traditional Christmas or Winter Holiday
Although married couples may not be looking forward to spending the holidays alone, there is a certain freedom to pick and choose what is important to each partner when they are the only ones to consider. If previous years have been spent rushing around to make both sets of parents happy, the couple may be happy to have a low-key holiday.
To plan a traditional Christmas or Thanksgiving, each partner should consider what he or she loves most about the holiday. Is it watching football all day on Thanksgiving? Is it having a traditional Thanksgiving feast or sharing sentimental stories? Each partner can choose what means the most to him or her and incorporate it into the day. For example, if a large Thanksgiving meal is important the couple can take time to select the holiday menu and prepare the meal together. If the holiday is more about sharing stories and dessert, the couple can pull out photo albums or home movies and spend the day reminiscing. When it is just the couple celebrating, the husband and wife can focus on what matters most to them.
New Traditions and Unique Christmas Ideas
Sometimes couples who are spending the winter holidays alone may feel as though a traditional celebration with just the two of them would be lonely or depressing. This may be especially true for couples celebrating the holidays alone due to loss or distance. If that is the case, then shake things up by trying unique ideas to create new traditions.
Think about new ways to spend the day or new places to eat dinner. For example, a couple whose family has always prepared a formal dinner for Thanksgiving may want to try going out to dinner at a restaurant. The couple may also try volunteering at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or Christmas to spread holiday cheer with others. Go to a parade, participate in a turkey trot race together (or cheer on the competitors), or try a different religious holiday service each year.
There are many reasons why couples may be spending the holidays alone. Whether newlyweds are establishing their own traditions, financial constraints are changing annual travel plans or the couple is home with an empty nest, the winter holidays do not have to be dreary. The best ways for married couples to celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve or Easter without their extended families or kids include choosing what matters the most, creating new traditions and seeking out others in a similar situation.
Plan a Traditional Christmas or Winter Holiday
Although married couples may not be looking forward to spending the holidays alone, there is a certain freedom to pick and choose what is important to each partner when they are the only ones to consider. If previous years have been spent rushing around to make both sets of parents happy, the couple may be happy to have a low-key holiday.
To plan a traditional Christmas or Thanksgiving, each partner should consider what he or she loves most about the holiday. Is it watching football all day on Thanksgiving? Is it having a traditional Thanksgiving feast or sharing sentimental stories? Each partner can choose what means the most to him or her and incorporate it into the day. For example, if a large Thanksgiving meal is important the couple can take time to select the holiday menu and prepare the meal together. If the holiday is more about sharing stories and dessert, the couple can pull out photo albums or home movies and spend the day reminiscing. When it is just the couple celebrating, the husband and wife can focus on what matters most to them.
New Traditions and Unique Christmas Ideas
Sometimes couples who are spending the winter holidays alone may feel as though a traditional celebration with just the two of them would be lonely or depressing. This may be especially true for couples celebrating the holidays alone due to loss or distance. If that is the case, then shake things up by trying unique ideas to create new traditions.
Think about new ways to spend the day or new places to eat dinner. For example, a couple whose family has always prepared a formal dinner for Thanksgiving may want to try going out to dinner at a restaurant. The couple may also try volunteering at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or Christmas to spread holiday cheer with others. Go to a parade, participate in a turkey trot race together (or cheer on the competitors), or try a different religious holiday service each year.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Dates at Home Inspired by the Five Senses
by Genna Cockerham
Date nights at home are often listed among the top budget-friendly ways for married couples to reconnect with each other. But what are husbands and wives to do when dinner and a movie at home become stale?
Using the five senses as a guide for date nights at home can revive tired routines and add romance back into a marriage. Date night ideas for married couples include recreating a spa night at home, experimenting with a wine, beer or cheese tasting and reinventing the dinner and a movie theme.
Easy Home Spa for Couples
Creating a home spa is an easy way to have a date night that focuses on the five senses. To create a spa-like atmosphere, focus on lighting and the sense of sight first. Clear away clutter that distracts the eye, bring candles into the bedroom and bathroom and switch out bright light bulbs for softer ones. Next, find some soft music like classical, jazz or a nature sounds CD to soothe the sense of hearing.
The sense of taste can be stimulated in several different ways. Options include a bottle of wine or champagne, fresh fruit and chocolate fondue or other light fare that evokes a spa theme. To stimulate the senses of touch and smell, bring spa products like massage oil or bubble bath home. Creating a home spa requires only an little preparation and planning to create a theme that will help married couples reconnect with each other.
Wine Tasting at Home.
Make and print a scorecard to record impressions of each item. Select soft music for the occasion and dress in soft, comfortable clothes to soothe the sense of touch.
It is obvious that a tasting will focus on the sense of taste, but the sense of sight and smell are featured as well. Sight can be stimulated or soothed by arranging the food in an appealing arrangement with contrasting colors. Choose garnishes and finger food that have a variety of textures and that will play off the colors found in the food or drink. While tasting each item, make a conscious effort to compare the visual textures and smells of the food or drink.
A Better Dinner and a Movie Night
To make a dinner and a movie date night at home more exciting, start with a central theme. Choose a movie to watch first then plan the dinner around the theme. For example, if the movie is Slumdog Millionaire, choose a dinner menu that features Indian cuisine. An alternative to cooking a full meal is to make a decadent dessert that goes along with the movie theme. For example, a New York cheesecake goes with a movie based in New York.
Cooking together can stimulate the senses of smell, sight, touch and taste all at once. Enjoy the meal cuddled on the sofa in front of the movie or have a picnic on the floor. Focus on soft lighting, comfortable seating and blankets with varied textures. Creating a theme night and being aware of the five senses can take an at-home movie night to a new level of intimacy and excitement.
Date nights at home don’t have to mean doing the same old thing every time. Instead of relying on carry-out dinner and a familiar movie every time, try dates that target each partner’s five senses. By focusing on the sense of taste, smell, sight, touch and hearing, married couples can have an exciting date night that appeals to all of their senses.
Each date can be personalized to evoke memories, set the mood and draw the husband and wife closer. When planning each date choose one or two primary senses to focus on and have the other senses be more subtle. This will keep the mood more relaxed than if all five senses were being strongly stimulated at once.
Date nights at home are often listed among the top budget-friendly ways for married couples to reconnect with each other. But what are husbands and wives to do when dinner and a movie at home become stale?
Using the five senses as a guide for date nights at home can revive tired routines and add romance back into a marriage. Date night ideas for married couples include recreating a spa night at home, experimenting with a wine, beer or cheese tasting and reinventing the dinner and a movie theme.
Easy Home Spa for Couples
Creating a home spa is an easy way to have a date night that focuses on the five senses. To create a spa-like atmosphere, focus on lighting and the sense of sight first. Clear away clutter that distracts the eye, bring candles into the bedroom and bathroom and switch out bright light bulbs for softer ones. Next, find some soft music like classical, jazz or a nature sounds CD to soothe the sense of hearing.
The sense of taste can be stimulated in several different ways. Options include a bottle of wine or champagne, fresh fruit and chocolate fondue or other light fare that evokes a spa theme. To stimulate the senses of touch and smell, bring spa products like massage oil or bubble bath home. Creating a home spa requires only an little preparation and planning to create a theme that will help married couples reconnect with each other.
Wine Tasting at Home.
Make and print a scorecard to record impressions of each item. Select soft music for the occasion and dress in soft, comfortable clothes to soothe the sense of touch.
It is obvious that a tasting will focus on the sense of taste, but the sense of sight and smell are featured as well. Sight can be stimulated or soothed by arranging the food in an appealing arrangement with contrasting colors. Choose garnishes and finger food that have a variety of textures and that will play off the colors found in the food or drink. While tasting each item, make a conscious effort to compare the visual textures and smells of the food or drink.
A Better Dinner and a Movie Night
To make a dinner and a movie date night at home more exciting, start with a central theme. Choose a movie to watch first then plan the dinner around the theme. For example, if the movie is Slumdog Millionaire, choose a dinner menu that features Indian cuisine. An alternative to cooking a full meal is to make a decadent dessert that goes along with the movie theme. For example, a New York cheesecake goes with a movie based in New York.
Cooking together can stimulate the senses of smell, sight, touch and taste all at once. Enjoy the meal cuddled on the sofa in front of the movie or have a picnic on the floor. Focus on soft lighting, comfortable seating and blankets with varied textures. Creating a theme night and being aware of the five senses can take an at-home movie night to a new level of intimacy and excitement.
Date nights at home don’t have to mean doing the same old thing every time. Instead of relying on carry-out dinner and a familiar movie every time, try dates that target each partner’s five senses. By focusing on the sense of taste, smell, sight, touch and hearing, married couples can have an exciting date night that appeals to all of their senses.
Each date can be personalized to evoke memories, set the mood and draw the husband and wife closer. When planning each date choose one or two primary senses to focus on and have the other senses be more subtle. This will keep the mood more relaxed than if all five senses were being strongly stimulated at once.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tips for Remembering Wedding Anniversaries
by Genna Cockerham
While it is not usual for husbands and wives to occasionally forget important dates or occasions, forgetting an anniversary can cause hurt feelings and misunderstandings. In order to prevent this problem from arising, use traditional methods to provide visual clues that will remind spouses of the important date.
Remember a Wedding Anniversary
The low-tech way to remember a wedding anniversary and other important dates is to keep a calendar, and there are different types of calendars for different organization styles. For example, people who work at a desk may find a desk calendar is the best method to keep track of events but wall calendars and pocket calendars are also useful. Combining a calendar with a highlighter to color-coordinate personal and business obligations can mean the difference between remembering important events and forgetting them.
The key to using a calendar is to ensure that all the important dates are on the calendar in advance. At the end of the each year when it is time to replace the old calendar with a new one, take a few minutes to transfer all the important dates, like birthdays or wedding anniversaries onto the new calendar. At the beginning of each month, glance over the calendar to see if anything is coming up in the month.
How to Remember Dates
Calendars are only effective tools for those who use them. For those who do not use calendars, try placing a paper with the important date in a prominent place. Write the occasion and the date on the paper and place it in the medicine cabinet or tape it to the telephone at work. Simply seeing the words, “wedding anniversary June 12, 1997” will not only serve as a visual reminder, it can also help a husband or wife to learn the date and remember it at all times.
Engrave Wedding Rings for a Reminder
Engraved wedding rings can serve as a reminder as well. If rings were not engraved at the time of the wedding, use an anniversary as an opportunity to add a romantic sentiment and the wedding date to the rings. A partner in the marriage can simply tell his spouse in advance that he’d like to have the rings engraved as an anniversary present to each other. Spouses can choose to have both rings engraved with the same words and date or each can choose the engraving for the other.
While it is not usual for husbands and wives to occasionally forget important dates or occasions, forgetting an anniversary can cause hurt feelings and misunderstandings. In order to prevent this problem from arising, use traditional methods to provide visual clues that will remind spouses of the important date.
Remember a Wedding Anniversary
The low-tech way to remember a wedding anniversary and other important dates is to keep a calendar, and there are different types of calendars for different organization styles. For example, people who work at a desk may find a desk calendar is the best method to keep track of events but wall calendars and pocket calendars are also useful. Combining a calendar with a highlighter to color-coordinate personal and business obligations can mean the difference between remembering important events and forgetting them.
The key to using a calendar is to ensure that all the important dates are on the calendar in advance. At the end of the each year when it is time to replace the old calendar with a new one, take a few minutes to transfer all the important dates, like birthdays or wedding anniversaries onto the new calendar. At the beginning of each month, glance over the calendar to see if anything is coming up in the month.
How to Remember Dates
Calendars are only effective tools for those who use them. For those who do not use calendars, try placing a paper with the important date in a prominent place. Write the occasion and the date on the paper and place it in the medicine cabinet or tape it to the telephone at work. Simply seeing the words, “wedding anniversary June 12, 1997” will not only serve as a visual reminder, it can also help a husband or wife to learn the date and remember it at all times.
Engrave Wedding Rings for a Reminder
Engraved wedding rings can serve as a reminder as well. If rings were not engraved at the time of the wedding, use an anniversary as an opportunity to add a romantic sentiment and the wedding date to the rings. A partner in the marriage can simply tell his spouse in advance that he’d like to have the rings engraved as an anniversary present to each other. Spouses can choose to have both rings engraved with the same words and date or each can choose the engraving for the other.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The Top 10 Problems in Marriage
by Lisa Tanner
Marriage is a hard job. No matter how hard you try, some problems just can't be avoided. Here are the top ten problems in marriage, in no particular order.
1) Cheating Spouse - Far and way the most painful, and best dealt with by getting an admission from the offending spouse without cluing them in that you know. The guilt will normally bring them back in line if the marriage can be saved. If the cheating continues, run like hell.
2) Negative Talking - Stop speaking negatively of your spouse and be nice.
3) Too much time together - You must have a balanced life and quit depending on your spouse to make you happy. Their job is only to provide the tools, not control your feelings for you.
4) Too much time apart - This usually happens not because of a lack of things in common, but for some other underlying reason that makes one spouse avoid the other.
5) Family Interference - Your spouse married you, and you them. That trumps all family input from outside the marriage.
6) Kids - I love kids, but some people just don't and should never have them. But if your spouse makes a good parent, they can be a good spouse if you allow them to be.
7) Money - A lot of marriages consist of one spender and one saver. This can lead to all sorts of fun and a compromise must be reached.
8) Communication Failure - Have you considered your spouse may not want to talk to you because of the way you respond when they do? Take the lead.
9) Perception of Home Life - I say perception because that really determines reality. If one spouse is not happy, they will make the other one miserable. The choice of living arrangements must always be agreed upon or problems will arise.
10) Lack or Loss of Trust - Without trust in a marriage you have nothing to build on. Trust be not only be earned, it must be given as well.
These are the top ten problems in marriage and the root of all divorce.
Marriage is a hard job. No matter how hard you try, some problems just can't be avoided. Here are the top ten problems in marriage, in no particular order.
1) Cheating Spouse - Far and way the most painful, and best dealt with by getting an admission from the offending spouse without cluing them in that you know. The guilt will normally bring them back in line if the marriage can be saved. If the cheating continues, run like hell.
2) Negative Talking - Stop speaking negatively of your spouse and be nice.
3) Too much time together - You must have a balanced life and quit depending on your spouse to make you happy. Their job is only to provide the tools, not control your feelings for you.
4) Too much time apart - This usually happens not because of a lack of things in common, but for some other underlying reason that makes one spouse avoid the other.
5) Family Interference - Your spouse married you, and you them. That trumps all family input from outside the marriage.
6) Kids - I love kids, but some people just don't and should never have them. But if your spouse makes a good parent, they can be a good spouse if you allow them to be.
7) Money - A lot of marriages consist of one spender and one saver. This can lead to all sorts of fun and a compromise must be reached.
8) Communication Failure - Have you considered your spouse may not want to talk to you because of the way you respond when they do? Take the lead.
9) Perception of Home Life - I say perception because that really determines reality. If one spouse is not happy, they will make the other one miserable. The choice of living arrangements must always be agreed upon or problems will arise.
10) Lack or Loss of Trust - Without trust in a marriage you have nothing to build on. Trust be not only be earned, it must be given as well.
These are the top ten problems in marriage and the root of all divorce.
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