The Great Marriage - Be Right Or Be Happy?

by Gloria Waite



I'm sure you've heard the saying: 'Would you rather be right or be happy?' Have you ever consciously made that decision?

If you want a great marriage, you'll have to drop the right vs wrong thing. It's lethal to a marriage or any love relationship. It takes the joy right out of the love.

It's not always a conscious choice for some people: Deciding whether you're going to point to--who's always right and who is always wrong. You may have been doing it for a while and not know it. You may not use those exact words, but the outcome is the same (if you're trying to be right): you're in a power struggle that no one ever wins.

First take a look at yourself. Do you need to be right? Think of a recent disagreement with your mate. Do you keep pushing your point of view? Do you have to have the last word? Are you trying to prove something?

Needing to be right is most often generated by a false sense of control--to keep away fears of being left, or worse yet, unloved. So we try to take control. I say false sense of control,because the right vs wrong battle is more likely to push someone away from you--the one thing you don't want.

It is difficult to feel love in the one-down position (you're right) and it's difficult to be loving if you're being the boss (I'm right).

Be Right or Be Happy is not just a saying. It really is a choice. You need to actually decide: Do I want to be right or be happy? And is my behavior supporting the choice I am making? If you would rather be happy, but are having trouble letting go of the habit of needing to be right, here are a couple of steps you can take, which may help you:

1. Why not practice being wrong? Practice saying that you're wrong. Think of it as a desensitization process. It's probably as hard to do as stopping smoking.

2. Don't use the right wrong language. Find other words, such as: Really? I didn't see it the way you saw it.

3. Focus on finding out why your spouse thinks or feels the way he/she does, rather than defending your point of view.

Be Right or Be Happy? Drop the right vs wrong thing? The choice is yours and it's one we have to make again and again in order to have a great marriage.

Gloria Waite is a an expert on love relationships, who gives no-nonsense love advice to singles and couples, men and women at JustAskGloria.com. People, who know Gloria, credit her success to 25+ years of experience as psychologist and her natural gift for 'getting it' right away and coming up with practical advice and solutions. In addition to her current online advice column.